What If He Dies

I deal with catastrophic thinking as well and its impossible to talk myself out of it. This is so helpful

Thought train Wrecks

When you think of OCD, what do you think of? I would wager that most people think of someone obsessively cleaning their house, washing their hands, or flipping switches. If you are familiar with OCD, catastrophic thinking may have come to mind. Catastrophic thinking is just what it sounds like, thinking of the absolute worst case scenario. It is often the root of why a person with OCD keeps washing their hands…because what if they touched something with a virus, and then they get sick and have to miss work, and then they might get fired! It may sound silly, but I’m willing to bet that most people do that to some degree.

Catastrophic thinking is thinking of the absolute worst case scenario.

I’ve struggled with anxiety and catastrophic thinking since I was little. I remember occasions where my mom would be only a few minutes late, and I would be in…

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Your Kingdom Come

I love the last paragraph 🙂

Thought train Wrecks

“Your kingdom come. Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.”

How familiar is this passage? We quote it. We pray it. Do we understand it? I’m sure that I don’t understand it in its fullness, but the kingdom of God has been on my mind. Jesus talks a lot about the kingdom of God and the kingdom of heaven. Many parables deal exclusively with it, but I grew up thinking that it was all about heaven. When I came to understand the “here and not yet” tension of Christian life and the cyclical thinking of Hebrew culture, I did not quite apply it to the kingdom of God. I’ve sang songs and prayed prayers about being the hands and feet of Christ, but I did not ponder what Jesus meant in Luke 17:21 when he said that “the kingdom of God is among you.” I had…

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The Pig

So Annie was outside barking her head off and I went out to get her. And what do I see.

A pig.img_4163

I went over and took a pic and thought this is great I have my phone I will take a video of it. So I say to the pig, Oh look at you, you’re so cute. At that the pig proceeds to come under my fence. ( Which i didn’t even know was a possibility)

Here She comes

The pig is snorting and butting its snout against my leg. Weaving in and out of my legs, and the whole time the pig is circling around me Annie was circling around the pig (still barking) I couldn’t hardly walk, I couldn’t grab Annie and it was all hilarious. ( So happy I was filming this)

I call Doug out for help getting Annie, so I could then get the pig out of the yard. It takes him a bit LOL but he finally gets Annie, and then the pig is all over him and he can’t get in the house. Of course I laugh, and he says quit filming and get the pig. No, no I  have to get this. So I go and stand over the pig and the pig is now interested in me again. Doug gets Annie in the house, and I get the pig out of the yard. Anxious to see the video, I come straight in and airplay on the TV.

1 sec. oh no, When I started recording is when the pig came in the fence and startled me. I hit the stop button!!!

*sigh so this is all I have to share

And there she goes


Thought train Wrecks

Experiencing demons seems to be part of the Open experience but so does a greater sensitivity to experiencing the divine. I had dreams and encounters with God as a child, before I ever became “born again”. I never doubted that God was real, just as someone who saw color would not doubt that trees were green. Still, even though I had what many would call “religious experiences”, I had never seen an angel. I was a teenager when I started praying, “Lord, if I’m going to see demons, I would really like to see an angel too.” I was house-sitting, when he answered.

As I lay in bed at night, the room became very oppressive. I don’t remember if I was visibly seeing forms or if I just felt their presence, but I began to pray. When I opened my eyes from praying I saw the angel. He was liquid…

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Thought train Wrecks

My first direct experience with a demon was when I was eight years old. I grew up in a house that many would call haunted. I called it infested. I have yet to encounter the spirit of someone who has died, but I’ve met lots of demons that like to invoke terror. In the house, things would turn off and on by themselves, there were noises with no explanation, and occasionally someone would see a human-like form only for it to disappear. That was normal, but one night when I was eight, I woke up and saw a hooded figure standing beside my bed. It was simply there. It’s features were carved from deeper and lighter shadow (I used the picture above, a tarp, because it is the best way I could find to illustrate that). I kept a Bible by my bed as a sort of talisman against bad…

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Thought train Wrecks

My mentor likes to talk about the four-year-old window. She says it is a time when children are receptive to the Spirit without questioning. She has stories of four-year-olds that are astounding, and indeed, both of my children at four had strange and inexplicable experiences. She says that I never grew out of my four-year-old window.

I call the trait Openness, which works well with the window imagery. It also gets across something that is essential to understand: Openness, is a window that both sides can use. It is not something to seek or mess around with. Both sides? Oh, yes, there are two sides. I did not grow up in church, and so the first time I saw a demon, I didn’t tell anyone for three days because I was so afraid that no one would believe me. My mom did believe me, which was great, but it didn’t…

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Skeptical Mystic

Thought train Wrecks

I’ve been meaning to make this post for two years.

I’ve been avoiding making this post for two years.

There is a reason I started this blog, but I realize that once something is on the internet, it is eternal. I started this blog at the encouragement from my mentor and pastor’s wife (a Dr. in theology and general awesomeness) because I couldn’t find any Christians online who were talking about this. Now I know why. I’ve side-stepped this blog post again and again, but then I ran into someone experiencing what I did. She was unsure what to do or who to talk with about it.

Even now, it’s hard to talk about. You have to have at least a little background on me. I have loved science my entire life. I am logical and skeptical. For instance, my pastor (also a Dr. in theology) would say that the…

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The God of Abraham…

Thought train Wrecks

In the Bible, people would often refer to God as the God of *insert name of cool Bible person here*. For me it was akin to saying, “you know, the God of Elijah, and not that fish-looking statue thing.”

Then, I went through a dark time. I could’t stop crying. Life seemed overwhelming, and it felt like things were going to stay that way. As I was praying, I thought of my friend, Hannah. She has been through more dark times than anyone I know personally, and it almost killed her. I was privileged to walk with her for some of those times and to see God bring her through them.

God brought Hannah through.

So, I called out to the God of Hannah. I reminded myself of the deep darkness he brought her through, of his faithfulness in an endless situation filled with suffering, and I asked him to…

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Three Words

Thought train Wrecks

Three words. That is the entirety of the most romantic thing that my husband, Jonathan, has ever said to me, and they are probably not the three words you are thinking of (“of which you are thinking”, for the grammar police…I know, and I don’t care).

I had been having a rough time emotionally, but I knew that Jonathan’s job was very stressful at the moment, so I hid it from him didn’t tell him. I had been struggling maybe a week, when I came home to candle light, dinner on the table, and a flowering plant. Naturally, I burst into tears. Later that night, as my husband slow danced with me (he hates dancing, by the way), I asked him how he knew when I had tried so hard to keep it from him. Then he said three words, three words that went deeper than anything he had ever…

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In the Name of Jesus

Thought train Wrecks

I had a moment that changed the way I pray. In the circles that I grew up in, every prayer was ended in a magical phrase. Jesus had told his disciples in John 14 that whatever they asked for in his name would be given to them. So, every prayer was closed, “in Jesus name. Amen”. Even after coming to a more theological understanding of what the phrase meant as an adult, I still ended my prayers with the familiar sign off. It took explaining it to seven year old for the meaning to fully impact me.

As I searched for a way to help him understand, I thought of the perfect analogy.
“You know how when you tell Jak to let you in the bathroom, he doesn’t do it; however, when you tell him that mom said he has to let you in, he opens the door right up…

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